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There was a time when I dressed to blend in and avoid drawing more attention to myself.
Even though I had a sense of personal style at that time, I decided to stifle it because I was too uncomfortable to express myself and let my true personality shine through.
All I wanted to do was hide, because the colour of my skin was already too loud.
But instead of helping me avoid attention and feel better, it had the opposite effect.
It only made me feel worse.
In 6 minutes or less.
- Why we neglect our personal style.
- Self righteous rant.
- What is personal style?
- Why should you care?
- Time to find yours!
Why We Neglect Our Personal Style
“I Don’t Know Where to Start”
“I’m Not Fashionable Enough”
“I Don’t Have the Body for Style”
“Personal style is silly and frivolous.”
“People Might Think I’m Trying Too Hard”
“It’s Too Expensive to Have a Unique Style”
“I’m a busy, working mum, when I can find time, all I want to do is sleep.”
Makes sense.
I used to think that having personal style meant being fashionable—keeping up with trends, dressing like Beyoncé, Madonna, or Michael Jackson.
It’s what the media and people strutting down the streets of London make us think, after all.
We are being marketed to in the subtlest of ways, tapping into our deepest desires to be attractive, confident, or elevate our status.
And of course, the solution: more clothes.
So, fashion brands disguised as superheroes swoop in to save the day, graciously handing out cookie-cutter style prescriptions that don’t quite suit us.
We buy more clothes, hoping to find a solution but create a cluttered wardrobe in the process, filled with clothes that rarely see the light of day.
The owners of these businesses gladly collect our money and become even wealthier, while we remain constantly confused and overwhelmed by the sheer number of clothing choices that are supposed to make us feel . . . complete.
Okay.
Breathe.
Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest,
What is personal style?
Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.
Gore Vidal
Why Should You Care?
1. Your Mental Health Will Thank You.
Perhaps the strongest argument for this is cognitive dissonance.
It’s the mental discomfort you feel when you hold two or more contradictory beliefs—especially about your self-perception or identity.
For example, you believe you are a cat on the inside, but you walk around dressed like a dog.
Can you imagine the agony of such confusion?
Wearing clothes that don’t align with your self-image can be incredibly stressful, and figuring out your personal style is a solution.
Other ways it helps your mental health :
- Reducing outfit decision fatigue,
- Improving your self-esteem,
- Enhancing your body image.
It’s not silly or frivolous after all.
2. ⏰ And 💰
Who doesn’t want more time and money?
A clear sense of personal style helps you eliminate the guesswork from shopping and reduces the time spent browsing through countless items online or in physical shops.
You already know what works for you, so you don’t throw money away buying every new style that comes along. You can finally focus on acquiring fewer, higher-quality pieces that you enjoy wearing and last a long time. (P.S High quality ≠ expensive)
It’s the most sustainable choice for our time, wallets and the environment.
Win win.
3. Better Relationships.
Remember my story earlier?
When I decided to accept who I was, embrace my style, and express it, my life changed.
My personal style boosted my confidence and helped me present my best self to the world.
It turned into a conversation starter—a way to connect with others who share similar tastes, openly share my feelings, and be vulnerable.
As you might already know, this is one of the foundations for forming deeper and more meaningful relationships.
Knowing who you are and learning to express your true self is the fastest way to attract the right people into your life.
Time To Find Yours!
Step 1: Realistic Inspiration
It’s important to figure out what styles you naturally gravitate towards, while also being open to exploring new looks.
Start by creating a Pinterest board with photos of people who look like you, wearing outfits that catch your eye and fit your lifestyle.
If you don’t want to know what Pinterest is, find a celebrity or public figure who has a similar height, build and age as you.
Look through photos of them doing things that match your lifestyle and pinpoint which outfits you like.
Then make a list of the specific details that draw you to these outfits, whether it’s the cut, colour, pattern, fabric, shape, fit, or the accessories.
This step requires more time and honesty than you think so don’t be afraid to take it slow.
Step 2: Assess your wardrobe
Now it’s time to gather all the clothes you own and lay them on your bed.
Yes, all of them! Even the ‘I’ll fit into this one day’ optimistic buys.
Choose the 10 pieces you wear most often that make you feel comfortable and confident.
Put them back into your wardrobe.
Next, use the list you made in step 1 to find pieces you already own that match the details you love.
Put those back into your wardrobe too.
What to do with the rest of the clothes on your bed?
Put them in a box and bury them in a backyard.
We’ll deal with them next week in my letter about decluttering your wardrobe.
Step 3 : Experiment and Explore
This is the fun part: dedicate some time, like a weekend afternoon, when you can focus on trying out different combinations without distractions.
- Start with the classics, such as a white shirt paired with jeans or black trousers.
- Combine different tops with bottoms.
- Mix patterns.
- Use accessories.
- Layer different pieces.
- Experiment with various colours.
- Take pictures of the outfits you love.
You can also use a virtual wardrobe app like Indyx to help you catalog your outfits and create a digital wardrobe.
Having digital access to all the clothes in your wardrobe can make getting dressed in the morning a breeze.
Step 4: Curate And Invest.
I would advise one full month of experimentation and curation of the clothes you already own before thinking about adding in any new pieces.
This gives you enough time to identify any gaps in your wardrobe and prioritize items that complement your existing collection.
You might even find that you already have most of what you need to enjoy your personal style.
And even when you do add new items, please do it slowly.
Will you wear it more than 30 times?
Can you think of 4 other ways you can combine it with something else in your current wardrobe?
Your clothes should fight to get your attention, not the other way round.
Step 5 : Evolve Gracefully.
Your lifestyle, body, and lets be honest, even your face won’t stay the same forever.
What worked for you last year might not feel right now.
So it’s important to let your style change with you.
Feel free to return to these steps again to keep it updated.
Remember, life is much easier when your clothes match who you are on the inside.
What did you think about today’s newsletter? Click reply to let me know!
And please forward this to your friends if you liked it. 😉
See you next week,
-Yosi
